


Dirty Socks

by brainofck



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: M/M, Socks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-07-30
Updated: 2011-07-30
Packaged: 2017-10-21 23:47:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/231216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brainofck/pseuds/brainofck
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Why does Jack pack so many socks?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dirty Socks

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Cocoajava](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Cocoajava).



> For CJ, who said, "Ehehe. CK. Write me porn where the guys have fun with their socks."

"Close the iris!" Sam bellowed as she tumbled through the event horizon just behind Daniel, who was already flipping himself over the side of the ramp to get below the line of fire of the staff weapons blasts that were chasing them through the wormhole. Teal'c just lumbered down the ramp as fast as he could with his load.

As the claxons fell silent, Jack was plainly heard to yell, "...goddamn stupidassed..." before the tirade stopped short.

"Just PUT ME DOWN!" he finished, pounding hard on Teal'c's back in frustration. Before the eyes of the full contingent of Gateroom Marines, Teal'c carefully released his commanding officer from the fireman's hold he had on him, setting him on his feet and supporting him while he took his weight on his good leg.

Hammond came striding in, not smirking in the slightest.

"Colonel?"

Jack saluted casually, barely pausing from straightening his clothing, glaring sidelong at Teal'c.

He finally focused on Hammond.

"I'm sure you'll be _shocked_ to learn, General, that the Tokra intel was _crap_."

"So I gathered," Hammond replied grimly. "Is everyone alright?"

"Colonel O'Neill tripped and reinjured his knee, GeneralHammond. He required my assistance."

"I thought we agreed that the next time this happened, you were going to put him down _before_ we went through the wormhole," Daniel said, also doing that same not smirking thing.

"So we did, Daniel," Jack agreed with offended dignity.

"Why don't you get to the infirmary and let Dr. Frasier look at that knee," Hammond suggested. "We can debrief when you're done there."

Jack hopped up on the gurney and let them wheel him off.

* * *

Daniel unloaded Jack's pack methodically. He'd performed this task several times when Jack got stuck in the infirmary after a mission. It was fascinating to him, what Jack packed.

"I wonder why Jack always brings so many socks?" he mused to teammates.

"Ever since the incident on Edora, O'Neill has feared being stranded again. Do you recall that he said one of the things he missed most was 'real socks?'"

Sam snorted.

"That's not it," she said, with certainty.

In response to their enquiring glances, she rolled her eyes.

"Guys. Socks," she said meaningfully.

They still stared at her blankly.

"You know..." she said, raising her eyebrows.

Daniel frowned, suddenly getting it.

"I think you're wrong, Sam. Jack doesn't stuff. I would have noticed."

"Stuff?" Teal'c asked, looking at Daniel expectantly.

"Um..." Daniel said, a little flustered.

Sam snickered.

"This one's all your's Daniel."

"Well," Daniel started. "It's when a guy uses socks to make himself seem... um... larger."

Teal'c frowned.

"I do not understand how one can achieve this merely with socks."

"Oh, fercryinoutloud," Daniel muttered. He took one of Jack's balled up pairs of socks and, turning his back to Sam, unzipped his jeans and proceeded to put the socks down his pants. He zipped his jeans again and turned around.

"See?"

Teal'c eyed him appraisingly.

"That seems... improbable," Teal'c said speculatively.

"I cannot believe you just stuffed a pair of the Colonel's sacred Thorlos into your underwear!" Sam howled in delight. "The holiest of holies!"

"And yet, it was DanielJackson's underwear. So perhaps he will not wash that pair again," Teal'c intoned solemly.

Sam was beside herself. Daniel blushed and turned around to extract them again, tossing them into his own bag to take home. To wash.

"Yes, well. And that's definitely not why Jack is packing so many socks. I told you," he said, trying to ignore the meaningful look they exchanged.

"No, indeed," Teal'c agreed.

Sam was just smirking.

"Anyway, that's not what I meant," Sam said.

Now Daniel frowned in confusion.

"What other things do guys do with socks that would make you smirk like that?"

"Oh, please. Can't you _smell_ what he's been doing with them?"

"Smell?" Daniel asked. He sniffed at Jack's pack tentatively.

"Well, you won't be able to smell it _this_ time. We were only there a couple of hours. But you know..." Sam seemed to genuinely believe he knew what she was talking about.

"What?!"

She stared at him in shocked disbelief.

"I can't believe you really don't know!"

Daniel sighed, returning to the task of organizing Jack's personal things.

"When I was fourteen," Sam said, "I overheard Mom yelling at Dad over the phone that the next time he was home, he'd better talk to Mark about not using his socks for, you know..." she made a lewd and unmistakable gesture with her hand.

Daniel was taken aback.

Teal'c looked disapproving.

"Major Carter, it was my understanding that in Earth culture women are considered to be a civilizing influence on men. But it seems that since you joined us the level of conversation in this locker room has become more and more crass."

"Thank you!" she said tossing her head. "But I tell you, that's the reason."

"OK," Daniel replied slowly. "If that's the reason, then you are suggesting that Jack is..." Daniel made the same hand gesture and earned the same prudish eyebrow lowering from Teal'c, "all the time! A horny 19-year-old undergrad couldn't need that many socks for that purpose!"

"Well. You tell me. You share a tent with him."

Daniel's eyes narrowed. He found that he had paused in unpacking with one of the suspect pairs of socks in his hands. They had taken on an alarmingly phallic symbolism in the last five minutes and he suddenly felt very uncomfortable handling Jack's...

"Yes. Well. I personally think Teal'c's Edora theory is a much better explanation."

Sam just smiled to herself.

"Well, don't forget to say goodnight to the Colonel before you leave! I'm sure he'll be amused when Teal'c tells him all about how he learned about crotch stuffing!"

Teal'c bowed his way out, smiling enigmatically.

"I hate you both," Daniel yelled after them, dumping the rest of Jack's socks in to the bottom of Jack's locker and gathering up his duffel to leave.

He wondered if Jack had counted his sock balls when he packed.

**Author's Note:**

> [Thorlos really are the best socks EVER](http://www.thorlo.com/mags/socks/air-force-combat-boot-xstatic-socks/53.php?content_id=news). I'm wearing a pair of their running socks RIGHT NOW, as I post this. They cost a pretty penny, but they are totally worth it, if you have the pennies to spend. If you go sign up for their website, they may still send you a free pair to try!


End file.
